Waitt on Wednesday The Pub



The Miss America Pageant just announced they will no longer have a swimsuit competition section in their contest.

They also announced the Miss America event will be a “competition” and not a “pageant”.

“We will no longer judge our candidates on their outward physical appearance,” said Gretchen Carlson, chairwoman of the it’s-no-longer-a-pageant.

Carlson also said the new it’s-no-longer-a-pageant will be more inclusive to women of “all shapes and sizes.”

Also, no more evening gown competition. Contestants will now be able to wear “whatever they choose.”

Damn you Harvey Weinstein. And Bill Cosby. And Matt Lauer.

In other entertainment news, soon to come:

Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issue will no longer feature swimsuits or female models; instead, it will now feature overweight, middle-aged men wearing bathrobes.

Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler and every other men’s magazine will be banned, and barbershop customers will be left twiddling their thumbs.

Video airbrushing will be used to cover up Barbara Eden’s bare midriff in all episodes of I Dream of Genie, and Ginger will be completely removed from all episodes of Gilligan’s Island.

The Mr. Universe competition will no longer focus on biceps, triceps and other physical attributes, and the contestants will no longer be allowed to wear those skimpy male thongs. Instead, the Mr. Universe event will be open to any males who drink at least a case of beer a week and whose physiques prove it.

All of those attractive, long-legged female broadcasters on Fox News will now have to leave their short skirts and high heels at home and instead wear burkas. Always in black, no bright colors.

Cheerleaders for every national sport, including the NFL and the NBA, will be taken off the field; instead Boy Scouts in full uniform will hold up signs encouraging fans in the stands to cheer.

Our world is being turned inside out.

Today, beauty pageants can’t be about beauty.

What’s next?

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