Don Waitt The Pub
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ACE IN THE HOLE

One of the greatest things to happen this year was those young soccer players getting trapped in that mine in Thailand.

I wish they were still trapped.

At least for another three to four weeks.

Perhaps I should explain.

While those youngsters and their coach were buried underground, CNN and Fox News and all the other national media outlets devoted hours and hours of coverage to the rescue attempts.

Which meant we had less news about:

Robert Mueller and the ridiculous Russian meddling investigation. Did Russia meddle in our election? Of course they did. Just like we also do in every other country’s elections. Hell, we used to assassinate other world leaders.

Michael Cohen and Stormy Daniels and that whole pay-for-play circus. Trump should have just used Backpage.

Kim Jong-un and the nuclear disarming of North Korea. If you think that’s really going to happen I have some Bitcoins I want to sell you for $50,000 a coin.

Immigrants, border walls and crying kids. The military has an acronym for that whole situation: FUBAR—Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition.

CNN saying Trump sucks. Of course he does.

Fox News saying Trump rocks. Of course he does.

I kept waiting for CNN to report that the reason the Thai soccer team was trapped in a mine with their coach is because Trump lured them there.

And I kept waiting for Fox News to say that Trump donned a scuba tank and single-handedly rescued every one of the boys.

There was a movie in 1951 called “Ace in the Hole” starring Kirk Douglas as a cynical and disgraced newspaper reporter covering a story about a man trapped in a mine. Douglas manipulates the rescue team so that the rescue is delayed for days and days, allowing him to keep filing his front-page news stories and becoming a star again. Douglas knows a way the man could be rescued immediately but he hides it to keep the glory coming to him. Eventually the trapped man dies.

I’m glad it didn’t come to that. I am very happy that the soccer players and their coach were all saved, and I feel bad that one of the rescuers died during the rescue.

I just wish they could have stayed underground a little longer, without any injuries or loss of life, to force the national media to continue reporting on them, giving us all a break from the same-old, regurgitated political tripe they force down our throats every day.

It’s a sad situation when you realize that—in comparison to the ridiculous daily news we are now being fed—a story about young kids trapped in a mine and facing possible death is actually refreshing.

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