Dr. Monique Martinez-Quiros provides insight to entertainers on how to improve themselves and their craft while avoiding the toxic competition mindset.
(NOTE: This story was written by Dr. Monique Martinez-Quiros appears in the May 2025 issue of ED Magazine.)
The feature stage is glittering with rhinestones, ring lights, and the kind of power only a true showgirl can serve. But behind the sequins and smiles, there’s often an unspoken tension, an edge of rivalry, whispers backstage, and the pressure to always outshine.
Let’s be real, competition is part of the game, but when does it motivate us, and when does it mess with us?
As a mental health professional who’s worked with dancers and sex workers of all expressions, across all aspects of competitive sex work, I’ve seen both the magic and the mess of these high-stakes environments. Additionally, as someone who genuinely respects the hell out of the hustle feature entertainers put in, I wanted to explore what it means to compete without compromising your shine.
When competition sparkles
Healthy competition is the kind that makes you feel inspired, not insecure. It’s when you see another performer killing it with a killer stage show and think, “Wow! I wanna do that one day!” It’s when you cheer someone’s success and it motivates you to push your creativity or your brand.
This energy can spark a fire under you, helping you regain motivation, boost innovation, reinforce the power of follow-through and consistency. As well as build mutual respect among other performers.
One entertainer said to me, “Watching another girl win the crown didn’t make me feel less than. It made me want to train harder and we ended up becoming friends.” That is the power of competition used correctly.
When It Gets Toxic
Unhealthy competition is when rivalry becomes personal. It often manifests as gossip, online or backstage sabotage, bitterness at others’ success, obsessive comparison and even undercutting others for bookings, tips or titles.
This kind of competition doesn’t fuel growth it feeds burnout, damages relationships, burns bridges, creates self-doubt, and leads to unnecessary drama that drains the very joy that brought you to the stage in the first place.
In the words of one dancer: “There’s room for everyone to sparkle, but it doesn’t always feel that way when club politics or a dancer’s ego get involved. It’s usually sabotage for everyone when you have someone in your ear fueling that negative narrative we sometimes tell ourselves.”
Why It Happens
Let’s break this down. Unhealthy competition is often rooted in two things:
Industry pressure: Clubs, contests and even fans sometimes pit performers against each other like it’s a reality show.
Internal insecurities: Many of us carry deep feelings that we must win to be worthy or that someone else’s shine dims our own.
When you add social media into the mix, where everyone’s feed is a highlight reel, it’s easy to feel like you’re always behind even when you’re killing it.
Reclaiming Your Crown
(Without Stealing Anyone Else’s)
How do you navigate this world with confidence, grace and your glitter intact? Here are a few mindset shifts and tools that work:
Celebrate, don’t compete: Compliment the performer who crushed their routine. Share other dancers’ wins. It builds connection, not competition.
Find your lane: No one else can do YOU. The more you lean into your authentic style, story and strengths, the less comparison has power over you.
Set boundaries: It’s okay to step back if someone is constantly bringing you down. Don’t engage, peace is premium.
Reflect instead of react: If you feel jealous or triggered, ask yourself: “What about them makes me feel less than?” or “How does feeling like this support me?” That’s where the healing begins.
Strut a “plenty” mindset: There’s more than enough success, sparkle, spotlight and stacks to go around. Just because another dancer is spinning doesn’t mean there is no room on the pole. Your shine is your own and there’s space for all of everyone to slay without stepping on each other’s Pleasers.
Competition isn’t the enemy—
insecurity is
When you’re rooted in your worth, you don’t need to outshine anyone — just show up and let that glow do the talking.
So listen up, Feature Fam: Next time you feel the heat of comparison, remember — you didn’t climb that pole in Pleasers and a g-string simply to dim your light for somebody else. Nah!
You came to glow, to grow and to toss a little glitter while you lift others on your way up. That’s power. That’s beauty–and let’s be real– that’s the real flex. Cheeks out, heart open and spotlight earned!
Have questions or topics you’d like to hear more about? Send them to Dr. Monique on Instagram @KeyRoseLLC or via email at drmonique@keyrosellc.com. For more information, visit www.keyrosellc.com.
