Dr. Monique Martinez-Quiros highlights the key questions entertainers asked during her “Dancers Only: Work-Life Balance and Mental Health” seminar at the 2024 ED EXPO and summarizes her responses. Each section focuses on real, relatable struggles like work-life balance, rejection, self-confidence and maintaining a strong sense of self outside of work.
(NOTE: This story was written by Dr. Monique Martinez-Quiros and appears in the January 2025 issue of ED Magazine.)
As a mental health professional with over a decade of experience supporting entertainers, adult industry professionals and sex workers, I’ve learned that the hardest questions to ask are often the most important. At the 2024 ED EXPO, I was moved by the openness and honesty of those in attendance. The conversations we had revealed just how universal the struggles for balance, resilience and self-acceptance really are.
For those who couldn’t make it—or for those who want a refresher—here are some of the most frequently asked questions I received and the guidance I offered in response. My hope is that this serves as a reminder that you’re not alone in your journey and that you have the power to thrive, not just survive, in this industry.
My passion for this work is personal. It didn’t start in a classroom—it started in a strip club in Tucson, Arizona. At the time, I was heavier, insecure and struggling with my self-worth. One night, a customer called me a “whale” in front of a dancer. Before I could react, she had him pulled out of his seat and thrown out. I didn’t know her, but she stood up for me, a stranger. That moment sparked a bond with the dancers and staff that changed my life.
They taught me to stand up for myself, love myself and never let anyone make me feel small. Their support became my foundation—a core group of women who had my back no matter what. As I pursued my studies, I realized I wanted to offer them the same encouragement and belief in themselves that they gave me.
Because even though I couldn’t walk in those fabulous heels or move with that kind of grace, at the end of the day, we’re all just putting our g-strings on one leg at a time. I am them, and they are me.
“How do I separate my work life from my personal life?”
Many entertainers shared that the lines between “work” and “personal” are often blurred. It’s easy to get caught up in the job’s demands, especially when your shifts happen at night and your sleep schedule is constantly changing. This, in turn, affects personal relationships, self-care and emotional well-being.
Balance doesn’t have to mean perfection. It’s about making sure you have space for yourself in the middle of all your responsibilities.
– Dr. Monique
It’s hard to create a perfect “work-life balance” because, let’s be honest, balance isn’t always 50/50. But what you can aim for is work-life integration. This means recognizing that your work life and personal life are intertwined, so instead of fighting to keep them separate, you figure out how to create harmony between the two.
Here’s how to do it:
Time management: Create a weekly schedule where you intentionally block out “non-negotiable time” for self-care, hobbies, or simply doing nothing. If you don’t plan for it, someone else will plan for you.
Rituals and transitions: Develop a post-shift “wind-down” ritual that signals to your brain that the workday is over. It could be taking a shower, playing music, lighting a candle or taking 15 minutes of silence.
Boundaries: Don’t let work creep into every aspect of your life. Set boundaries for when clients, customers or co-workers can contact you. Even if it’s just a mental boundary, like deciding “After midnight, I’m not responding to messages.” That counts as self-care.
Balance doesn’t have to mean perfection. It’s about making sure you have space for yourself in the middle of all your responsibilities. A small, daily ritual can be the difference between burnout and bliss.
“How do I deal with rejection without letting it get to me?”
If you’ve ever approached a customer only to be ignored or dismissed, you know how much it stings. Rejection feels personal, even when it isn’t. During the seminar, many attendees said this was one of the hardest parts of their job—feeling “not good enough” when a client walks away.
Rejection is a reality of this industry, but it’s also a reality of life. What you do with it matters more than the fact that it happened. The goal is to separate the customer’s behavior from your worth. Their “no” is not a reflection of your value.
Here’s how to shift your mindset:
Reframe it: Most of the time, rejection has nothing to do with you. Maybe the customer doesn’t have money, maybe they’re in a bad mood or maybe they’re simply too awkward to say “no” with respect. Either way, that’s their issue, not yours.
Internal mantras: Create personal affirmations to ground yourself when you experience rejection. One I often suggest is: “Their no is not my no.” This helps separate their response from your sense of self.
The rule of averages: Think of rejection like sales. If you know that two out of every 10 people will buy what you’re selling, that means eight rejections are part of the process. Reframe it as “part of the process” instead of “something wrong with me.”
Rejection is part of the job. The faster you can stop taking it personally, the faster you can bounce back. Remember, rejection isn’t about you.
“How can I maintain a strong sense of self outside of work?”
One of the most common struggles entertainers shared was feeling like they didn’t know who they were outside of the club. It’s easy to get caught up in the persona you create for work, and sometimes, that persona becomes a mask you can’t take off.
You are more than your work. This mantra is essential to remind yourself who you are outside the industry. When your identity is tied too tightly to your work, you start to feel lost when work slows down or when something changes. The key is to nurture your identity outside your role as an entertainer.
Here’s how to do it:
Hobbies and passions: Take up something that has nothing to do with your work persona. It could be art, writing, dancing (for fun, not work) or even gaming. These non-work activities remind you of who you are at your core.
Career visioning: Even if you plan to stay in the industry, it helps to think about “what’s next.” Are you saving for something? Do you have a bigger life goal on the horizon? Knowing where you’re headed makes the journey feel more meaningful.
Work-life integration: You can blend work and life in creative ways. If you travel for work, take time to explore new cities. If you have downtime, use it to work on a personal project. Turn “work” moments into “life” moments whenever possible.
If your whole identity is tied to one role (like being an entertainer), you might feel lost when that role changes. Diversify your sense of self by nurturing your other roles—artist, student, partner, friend, dreamer, creator.
“How can I build my confidence?”
Several attendees admitted they struggle with confidence, especially in an industry that constantly puts you on display. People see you, judge you, and sometimes treat you like an object instead of a person.
Confidence is a skill, not a feeling. This means you don’t have to wait to feel confident—you can create it by taking action.
Here’s how to do it:
Talk to yourself differently: If you wouldn’t say it to your best friend, don’t say it to yourself. Practice replacing thoughts like, “I’m not good enough” with, “I’m a work in progress, and I’m doing my best.”
Daily wins: Track your daily wins, no matter how small. Whether it’s, “I made it to work on time” or “I stayed calm when I wanted to snap,” every win counts.
Use power poses: Right before work, stand in a “power pose” (hands on hips, feet grounded) for two minutes. Research shows this actually increases feelings of confidence.
Confidence doesn’t show up before you act—it shows up because you act. Stop waiting to feel confident. Do the thing, and confidence will follow.
Closing thoughts
These four questions represent some of the most common struggles I hear from entertainers in the adult industry. My goal is always to offer tools that remind you of your strength, worth and ability to take control of your own journey.
If I could leave you with one final reminder, it would be this:
You are more than your work.
You are worthy of rest, boundaries and respect.
You have the power to balance your life, build your confidence and reject anyone who doesn’t see your value.
If any of these topics resonate with you and you’re interested in working through them in a personalized way, I’m offering free consultations. Sometimes, the hardest step is just reaching out—but you don’t have to walk that path alone.
For more information, visit www.keyrosellc.com or email drmonique@keyrosellc.com.
