Hey clubs, the alarm bell is sounding — are you listening?

(NOTE: This story appears in the November 2024 issue of ED Magazine.)

There he sat, slumped in his very uncomfortable-looking chair, collecting money at the front door. He looked a bit disheveled, a bit the worse for wear. No smile, no hello, no greeting of any sort.

“That’s $20 each,” he mumbled to my friends and me as we moved through the metal detector. I assumed this older gentleman was the club’s owner, but I can’t be certain. His general grumpy mood would be unforgivable if it were anyone but the owner who presented such terrible customer service, but it’s hardly any more acceptable even if he were the owner.

That was the “warm reception” we received at an unnamed adult nightclub in the northeast (I’m not going to go out of my way to embarrass anyone here). And that was just the beginning of our evening at what is considered one of the “better” clubs in this part of the country.

I’ll be very honest, I don’t go to many clubs outside of the events that we produce (the EXPO, the Annual EDI contests, etc.). And when I do, I typically want to be there anonymously. I’d prefer to view the club as any customer would.

I was out of town this past September with some friends, and they wanted to hit a strip club. So we hit two; the first, described above, was on a Saturday night, the second was on a Monday night. Neither visit went particularly well, and both, unfortunately, confirmed for me where I believe the adult club industry is today.

When we walked into that club with the grumpy doorman on that Saturday night, I was shocked by how completely dead it was for 10 pm on what many consider the prime evening of the week. This is a decent-sized club with a large stage and roomy main floor area, and there were so few customers that I could easily count them.

It didn’t get any better when we went to the bar. The bartenders were less than friendly, and we didn’t see any servers in sight. I repeat, this was a Saturday.

The dancers were … shall we say, less than impressive. Not just in their looks, but in their overall appearance. They weren’t friendly, and the only dancer we spoke to was describing her life living in a trailer. Fun stuff.

We stayed there long enough for my friends to get dances (one picked the down-on-her-luck entertainer, and reported that at least she was funny), and after two hours we departed (I couldn’t wait to leave).

Our second adventure was at a more ‘high-end’ club downtown. This time we weren’t greeted by an old curmudgeon at the door. Instead we were escorted in by a handful of intense-looking guys in suits, all wearing earpieces like they were Secret Service agents. They proceeded to ‘escort’ us to a table right in front of the stage in a club that was mostly empty.

Here’s the thing: I absolutely HATE being told where to sit the minute I walk into a club. For chrissakes, I am a grown freaking man so let me check out the club and decide for myself where I want to sit. And this club was dead on a Monday night — why the need for four or five dudes in suits making their presence known? There were more of those guys on the floor than there were entertainers, so what kind of message did the club think that would send to a guest like me?

I get it — clubs need to have security. But why so heavy-handed? Why so old-school in the approach (think: clip joint)? If I’m in a club with more security guys than dancers, all I’m thinking is that this club is not safe. It certainly didn’t feel welcoming or like a place I could relax and have a good time.

And the dancers … if they weren’t on the stage, they were nowhere to be found. Hiding in the dressing room? Giving dances (to the three or four other guys in the club)? I can’t know for sure. But in two hours in the club not one girl stopped by our table even to say “hello.” Overly-intense security and invisible entertainers — how’s that for a fun night at the club?

I encourage you to read the transcript of the EXPO 2024 Keynote Address by hospitality expert Michael Tipps of Maverick Theory. I agree with Michael on several of his main points, most especially, that our industry is in danger of becoming outdated and is in desperate need of innovation. I heard so many of you at the EXPO this year lamenting that your clubs are “down” and there’s a decline in customers and entertainers alike.

Some blame the economy. Others blame the internet. Okay, maybe both of those play a part. But I also believe many of the issues are internal. The industry has become too comfortable with its “formula”— you know, “All we need is boobs and beer and we’ll be just fine.”

Actually, no, I don’t think you will be “just fine.” The alarm bell is sounding — I hope you’re listening.